| The Wray Post Electronic Newspaper |
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| As Paul would say, "Page 2" |
| Have an annoucement, a birthdate, or a joke? Email it to news@wraypost.com. |
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| The Electronic Newspaper for Wray, Colo. Webpages please click to see the following; Home Editorials Headlines Classifieds Pictures Towntalk Computer Scriptures Email us Have an announcement or a joke? Please email it to us. |
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| Chris from Wray, U.K. just sent this in. Before I say anything about it though, I will forwarn you not to go there for you shall end up being late to whatever you need to go to in the next day or two. What is it? It is a darn flying cow, catapulted of course by you, in which you strive to hit the target. Get a "Bullseye", get 50 points, miss and lose points. Click the cow button for a time machine (you'll lose time). |
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| A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has as many peons but twice as many morons. Posted by Deena Jo |
| Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says,"Dam"! 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unnsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did???? Posted by BB |
| Posted by Chris (In Wray, England) An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of
a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and
always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk
from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home
only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was
proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had
been made to do
. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. To all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers, on your side of the path. FROM ONE CRACKED POT TO ANOTHER -------have a great day!! |
| Twenty Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors" 7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8 dont use any punctuation 9 As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13 Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme 14 Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day. 17 When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18 When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!" 19 Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity....... 20 Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called Therapy Posted by Bald Bob |
| Posted by Chris in Engalnd; A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope
and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said
"I'm sorry, your Duck Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead" he replied.
"How can you be so sure" she protested.
"I mean , you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might
just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on it's haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is a most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck. Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill "£150" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead" The vet shrugged "I'm sorry, If you taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with a Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150". |
| Kateri Reeves posts; Jesus' Dad's Name
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.'' KIDS IN CHURCH 3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen." A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys." I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." |
| A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the
recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the
heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that
it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph
anything from ground-level.
So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.
His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need some close-up shots." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're not my flight instructor?" Bob B Post |